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Faqs About Internet Dating
By Susan Dunn, MA, Relationship Coach, Thu Dec 8th
If you’re interested in meeting new people to date, the Internetmatch services are a great new option. The number of peoplejoining them is staggering.
If you’re new to the experience, here’s an FAQ for you:
Q: How can I be sure he’s not married? How can I be sure she’snot a felon? A: The bottom line – there are no guarantees aboutthis or anything else in life. Unfortunately, deceptive peopleare good at deception and you can’t always tell. With time,experience and common sense you can pick up on the “red flags”earlier. In your favor is the fact that people tend to revealmore with the anonymity of the Internet than in real life. Fromexperience, I can tell you it’s likely you’ll be able to tell bytheir language and by their questions. They “spill.” For tips,email me for my free white paper, “How to Tell if the Man You’reDating is Married.”
Q: How can I avoid alcoholics and addicts? A: Again only timewill tell, but here’s one tip. When the person checks “don’tdrink”, this is a yellow flag, not a green light. Find out WHYthey “don’t drink”.
Q: Do websites screen applicants? A: The good news is that somesay they do. The bad news is they do it by requiring allregistrants give their social security number. This will limitselection as many good single folks aren’t willing to put theirsocial security numbers on the Internet.
Q: There are so many websites. What sites should I register on?A: Use your EQ to make the selection. Intuitively, when you gothe site it will appeal to you or not. On one site, people signin as “SeXy Fox” and “ReadyWillingAndAble”. On another, they usetheir first names, “Sam” or “Martha.” Which is the one for you?Are you after a man who leads with “Italian Stallion” or simplyuses his name? Is someone who calls himself “C” hiding somethingor too “closed” for your tastes? The way the sites phrase theirquestions can alert you to style as well.
Q: What type of person uses these sites? Q: Everyone’s using thesites, but it’s especially well-suited for introverts. Thenormal progression is website, to normal email, to telephonecalls to meeting in person. Introverts like a slowget-to-know-you. If you like introverts, you’ll find more ofthem on Internet dating sites than in local bars and socialgroups. Extraverts tend to jump steps in the process. Extravertsyou can meet out and about.
Q: I’m sick of men (women) who just want a brief affair. I wantmarriage. How can I find someone else who wants what I want? A:That’s good – know what you want. Some sites let you choose anarray of desires from penpals, to friendship, to marriage, sothere’s one clue. Otherwise, the only way you’ll know is to askand find out.
Q: What kind of questions should I ask? A: Eharmony.com(http://tinyurl.com/2lyea ) has a long list of pre-selectedquestions you send back and forth that are good. Each time youhave contact with someone and it works out or doesn’t, figureout the early clues and save yourself some time. You’ll quicklylearn that when someone asks you a certain question right-off,they’re
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not the one for you. Their initial choices reveal a lotif you’re paying attention.
Q: For example? A: Three leading questions that send off goodclear signals are “How do you feel about pre-marital sex?” and“How do you feel about traditional gender roles?” and “Are youwilling to relocate?” These give a lot of information about whatthe person is interested in. Ask yourself these questions, andthere’s no right or wrong answer, it’s simply what you’re after:You’ll quickly learn when they ask XX question, press the deletebutton.
Q: How can I maximize safety? A: Exercise normal caution. Someof the sites give you safety rules. Read them. Common sensewould tell you to get to know someone before you invite theminto your private email or home. When you do agree to meet withsomeone, make it a public place in the daytime, go in your owncar, and let someone else know where you’re going. Use the sameprecautions you would anywhere else.
A: What should I avoid doing? A: That you’ll learn throughexperience, aside from the safety precautions already listed.When something goes poorly, write it down and don’t do it again!
Q: Should I try someone who lives far away? A: One of you has tohave some money, that’s for sure. Most sites let you roam theworld for a mate, if you’re so-inclined. If you’re afterlong-term commitment, are you willing to relocate? Is he? Howare your (plural) finances? LD romances require a lot of moneyand flexibility. You can easily run up a $700 phone bill in amonth before you even get to the plane tickets.
Q: What else should I check for? A: His pace should match yours.Do you like a man who asks permission to call you after 2 monthsor corresponding, or someone who looks your number up on theInternet and calls you the next day? Do you want someone whotells you right away they’re an alcoholic in recovery or havebeen divorced 3 times or have a $300,000 home in the Bahamas?Their pace of revealing both their strengths and faults shouldmatch your tastes. Are they lying? Is she desperate and needy?Only time will tell. Take your time.
Q: What if it doesn’t work out when we meet in person? A:Sometimes it won’t. If you’re mostly motivated by appearance and“chemistry,” it can be a shock. Everyone’s going to put theirbest photo on the Internet and some people are more photogenicthan others. If you’re more after internal qualities, those youwill have experienced and they should still be there. Plan yourmeeting so there’s an easy escape-route. If they’re in your townand you meet for lunch, how long can an hour be? If you meet inSan Francisco for a weekend, even if you don’t hit it off forromance, you can still have a good time and part amicably.
Q: Is it just for weirdos? A: Not at all. I know personallypeople who met and married through an Internet dating service.It’s confusing at first but you’ll hit the learning curve.Internet dating is a viable option in today’s world. There areplenty of good people using the sites. They may live in rurallocations, have little time to get out, prefer to get to knowsomeone in writing, or any number of legitimate reasons. Ifyou’re serious about dating, why not try all options? Use yourhead and good luck!
About the author:©Susan Dunn, MA, Relationship Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc .Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for your personal andprofessional development. For free ezine,mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc . Visit the EQ ebook library:http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html . I train andcertify EQ coaches. Email me for information on this fast,affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program.
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